Of legends are us.a as a

2001 –
So I knew all about how to cut a Leylandii tree hedge. I was happy to do this job here for Mr and Mrs Fairbanks. I was OK with reference anything to do with hedge cutting. I considered myself to have a reasonably good eye for levels. That we would soon find out.
This day I just knew it was going to be a good day. The hedge in question was a minor challenge. It didn’t rate as the worst I’d ever done. I’d cut far higher and far more challenging hedges than this before now. However, it still required a eye for levels and a dedicated trim was what it deserved. If a job was worth doing it was worth doing well.

First thing was to cut some top off of one end of the hedge in order to roughly level up the top from one end to the other. I could see as I was traversing the hedge from one end to the other that the end result was an improvement even before I started to fine tune the trim. From a birds eye view it may have been a bit of an ugly scene below, the hedge being bare at one end and leafy at the other.
But, all in a good cause. I’d been here before and learnt the tricks with this type of hedge in how it reacts to various cuts. There was also my own high standards to consider.
My task involved regular distancing from the hedge which included a walk over to the other side of the road.
Standing on the pathway opposite the hedge over on the other side of the road gave me the levels I wanted. Simple really. Levels were everywhere and all I needed to do was match one to the other. If a single course of bricks on the house in the background was true to the top of the hedge, that was all it needed.
What could go wrong?
Nothing, obviously. Level is level and when the bubble is in the middle there’s no argument. That’s the laws of geometry.
Everything was brilliant. The cutting was going to plan and the hedge began to take on a very different look.

Tea break –
I had never been able to change the tea break and coffee break issue. Despite attempts at altering the way this was conducted, all attempts had failed. Starting work on the garden of the newest house belonging to Mr and Mrs Fairbanks, again saw the tea breaks.  maintained in the fashion that Mr and Mrs Fairbanks had decided. And reluctantly I guess that was fair enough. I had tried to alter the concept and had now given up.
Mr Fairbanks suggested that all tea and coffee breaks would be conducted in the kitchen of the house at a time to be determined by them. So there I have it. End of discussion.

It was more a loss to them than to me, which was why I didn’t fully understand it at first. I had to go through the ritual of taking of my work boots and overalls off every time I entered their kitchen. This was more time wasted, added to more time again to put them on afterwards. It was their choice.
Soon the tea breaks took on a whole new meaning. Mr Fairbanks was able to discover that a following a short walk from his house and before long he was in town. Often I was in the kitchen at tea break with not only a coffee but a bakers pastry too. I felt spoilt.

Top hedge –
The hedge job neared completion by late afternoon. Moving on to the last part of the hedge trimming I was happy with myself and full of good feeling about a job well done. The hedge looked as level as one of the courses of bricks in the house wall behind it.  I only had a little bit left to do on the driveway entrance side when I noticed Mrs Fairbanks coming my way, over from the house. It was after lunch by this time so I must have completely lost track of time. Medeia Horus marched over to me with a determined focus.
Was Evander Arasto Fairbanks asking his wife to come and get me for a change? That wasn’t the usual way. It was always Evander Arasto who came to notify me.
“Everything alright, Mrs Fairbanks” I asked.
Medeia Horus dealt me a spiteful look. It certainly was unusual that she should come to see me during any ongoing work. She was visibly angry for some reason and I immediately felt that she shouldn’t be approaching me this way. It was enough to put my mind at odds.
“No it is not” she replied. She was shouting.
“What’s the problem” I asked, not meaning to make matters worse. I didn’t want to rub her the wrong way, trouble was, I wasn’t sure what the problem could be so I had to show concern in case something terrible had happened indoors. I instantly was worried for Evander Arasto.
It was weird that I should be having a conversation with Medeia Horus. She’d just come from indoors, therefore there must be a problem indoors.
“You’ve completely ruined my hedge” she shouted at me.
I took a look around me, checking for any passers by that might overhear. There were none.
“No, that’s not the case, I haven’t. See, if you cut the top of this type of tree it will grow back – in time” I said back to her. “I’ve cut the hedge in a straight line along the top. I can understand a bit of ………………………….mmmm, how can I put it, frustration I suppose when you see the gap at one end where the hedge used to be, but don’t worry, it’ll grow back.”
“No it won’t”, she shouts back to me.
“Yes it will”, I replied, and it went on like that for a bit.
The whole argument was going nowhere. It was too late for the hedge. Medeia Horus wouldn’t listen to me and there was no reasoning to be done here. She hadn’t issued me with any specific instructions about how she wanted the hedge cut. It was Evander Arasto who had tasked me with this and when offered it had been as a blank canvas.
I couldn’t see Mr Fairbanks anywhere. I was only doing what we had arranged. Coffee break earlier in the morning had been OK and by then the hedge was taking on a whole new look already.
I stood there holding my hedge trimmer. Now it was me who was getting annoyed.
The argument continued for quite a while and I made it clear that I wasn’t going to continue anymore. She told me not to bother either as it was too late, I’d fucked up her hedge. What? Did she say the ‘F’ word to me? She did too.
My position was clear. As far as I was concerned everything was in order so I said back to her “Look, you’re wrong, the hedge is fine, it looks great and this time next year it’ll look even better”.
Not intentionally I seemed to have made things a whole lot worse. Her closing shot was that as far as she was concerned there wasn’t any positives to be gained from my work as the hedge wasn’t even level.
I kind of knew that was coming.
‘Hah, I thought, got you there’. I say back to her, “Mrs Fairbanks, you’re definitely wrong there, I’ve cut the top of your hedge level with a course of bricks in your own house wall. It’s fail safe”.
She shouts back to me without even thinking – “Not all courses of bricks are level”.
Subsequently, after Medeia walked away, I packed my gear in my car and wondered off down their back garden to look for Mr Fairbanks. I found him wondering around down by the shed. I didn’t know as to whether – as a couple, they had talked about this, so I just told him I was heading off now because I was finished. I wasn’t interested in any more work today to make up time. I’d upset his wife and thought it in the best interests of all of us that I should leave.
In true Evander fashion he settles my mind by explaining that his wife can be a funny old soul. That I shouldn’t take it to heart, as he wanted me to come back same time in a fortnight. He apologised profusely for her lack of understanding With that therefore he placated me enough to see reason and agree to come back in two weeks’ time.

Over the years and up till now, I’d managed to have had several conversations with Mrs Fairbanks and not a single one of them was ordinary.
The gap in the hedge did right itself quite quickly, just as I had said it would. The hedge grew to look cared for. It was my work. It was also quite upsetting that the following year I was not given that job. From that day on I was banned from hedge cutting at that property. Evander Arasto so carefully put it to me that it was not he who disputed my ability to conduct proper garden work, but for the purposes of good will and understanding it may be better if I don’t cut the hedges in future.
It was a blow to learn that I would have to forfeit a large part of my work to a sub contractor right up until I eventually left that job. Those contractors always followed my original top lines on that hedge.

Everything worked fine after that. I was always met at the door by Evander.
I worked their garden and I worked the reed beds too. All manner of jobs were dreamt up, started and completed. It had somehow turned into a fairly happy environment. I had free run of the garden and its shed; which was even referred to as my shed. Funnily, throughout that time, I was always burdened with an overwhelming feeling of being looked at from back at the house.

2003 –
Some years following the front hedgerow argument, I was confronted by Evander in the back garden. I was clearing up my tools and ready to go home when he stopped me on my way back up from the shed. He took me to one side and asked me to accompany him to the top of the garden as his wife had something to tell me.
‘I’d been here before’, was my first thought. Only the last time I had to speak to her on my own. This time I was accompanied by Evander. When we had grouped together on the back lawn near the house his wife came out and said to me what it was she wanted me to know.
“Jeff” she said, “I’m sorry about the hedgerow argument, you were right, it looks lovely now.”
It seemed as though she was maybe on my side at last. She understood what had gone wrong; whose fault it wasn’t, or was. There it was, I had an apology.